Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Me and my Stupid Mind !!

Today again I feel like writing something. May be because I can not find anyone else to
talk. Today I have been thinking a lot. Many topics came through my mind. One point of time I was thinking whether God exists or not..I was not in that 'disappointed' moment to think 'Why he put me in this situation or whatever' ..but just like that..This thought is actually coming to my mind atleast for the 3rd time in last one week.

Actually we all are programmed to be afraid of everything...afraid of all the negative/positive things.guilty about everything being done..Dont do this..dont do that...this is sin..that is sin...all those from childhood is actually closing the doors of freelance thinking !!

I was/is actually afraid, guilty of each and everything i did in my life..guilty about everything..I can cry now thinking about something I did 15 years back!!..So much frustrated.Why is it like that?

Where did I lose that zeal to live? 28 years of life in this world. I can not remember a single decision which 'I' (or influenced by others- most of the time) took made my life happier.

I was/am always a crying baby.hmm..That may be the reason! Or ..I dont know what made my life so miserable! But they say 'Only crying baby gets the milk'! bullshit...

Till date I am not successful in understanding myself ateast..I will be confused if someone asks me questions like 'What is your passion?', 'What is your ambition?' , 'What is your hobby?', 'Who is your best friend?', 'Which is your favourite food?' etc..Even the simplest of simple questions about me I can not answer!

This is pathetic right? To a great extend i think (now- in this mood of thinking) that I am the sole responsible person for this. Can I do something to get out of it? Even if I get a second chance(which will never happen!) will I do justice?(i dont know how or what!! ) ,hmm, something which can revamp my lost life? I am not sure.

Me and my Stupid Mind!! Me and my stupid thoughts!! Me and my stupid self!!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

May 16th - The day without a name

I dont know how long I will hold the hand he kissed
I dont know how long I will sit like this lost in the moment
I am realising that the smell I hate most is no longer a smell that I hate
I just want to fall into sleep now..this moment

A deep impression has been made on my hand
Sealed with lots of affection
A deep wound has been made on my heart
Sealed with lots of pain

This day is another unforgettable day of my life
I would like to call this day a day of relief
Or should I call this day the day I died?
Or should I call this day the day I never want to happen again?

This is the day without a name
This is the day which just happened
This is the day which is  lost forever
This is the day on which I died.